The Third Flight of Beelzebub to the Planet Earth

“The result of it all was that there in the country of Maralpleicie, not only were Sacrificial-Offerings indeed diminished, but they even began to treat the beings of other forms with unprecedented attention.

“Such comical farces very soon began there that though I myself was the author of the invention, I nevertheless found it very difficult to refrain from laughter.

“Such comical farces occurred as, for instance, the following: a highly respectable and wealthy merchant of the city Gob would be riding in the morning on his donkey to his own shop and on the way a motley crowd of beings would drag this respectable merchant off his donkey and thoroughly maul him because he had dared to ride on it; and then the crowd, bowing low, would escort the donkey on which the merchant had been riding, wherever it chose to go.

“Or, what is called a ‘woodcutter’ would be hauling wood to market with his own oxen from the forest to the town.

“A mob of citizens would drag him also off his cart and after mauling him, very gently unyoke the oxen and escort them wherever they wished to go.

“And if the cart were seen in a part of the city where it might hold up the traffic, the mob of citizens would themselves drag the cart to the market and leave it there to its fate.

“Thanks to this invention of mine, various quite new customs were very soon created in the city Gob.

“As, for instance, the custom was established there of placing troughs in all the squares, public places, and at the crossroads of the town, where residents of the city Gob could in the morning throw their choicest morsels of food for dogs and other stray beings of various forms; and at sunrise, throw into the Sea of Beneficence every kind of food for the beings called ‘fishes.’