Beelzebub’s Tales About His Second Descent on to the Planet Earth

“I decided to carry out this idea of mine as I was
afraid that my friend’s enemies who hated him might make a search for his planetary body, and if they had chanced to learn where it had been given to the presence of that planet, or, as your favorites say, ‘buried,’ then doubtless they would have found it and perpetrated some atrocity on it.

“And so, from the sea Kolhidious, I soon ascended on the ship Occasion to the planet Mars, where our beings and several kind Martians, who had already learned of the events which had taken place on the planet Earth, paid due respect to the planetary body I had taken with me.

“They buried him with the ceremonies customary on the planet Mars, and over the spot they erected a corresponding construction.

“Anyhow, this was the first and surely will be the last what your favorites call ‘grave,’ for a being of the planet Earth on this so near yet so far and, for the terrestrial beings, quite inaccessible planet Mars.

“I learned afterwards that this story reached His All-Quarters-Maintainer, the Most Great Archangel ‘Setrenotzinarco,’ the All-Quarters-Maintainer of that part of the Universe to which that system Ors belongs, and that He manifested his pleasure by giving to whom it was proper, a command concerning the soul of this terrestrial friend of mine.

“On the planet Mars I was indeed expected by several beings of our tribe who had newly arrived from the planet Karatas. Among them, by the way, was also your grandmother who, according to the indications of the chief Zirlikners of the planet Karatas, had been assigned to me as the passive half for the continuance of my line.”